Man, I feel like wo Man
by RancidBlood
Summary: Ok Its like 3 in the morning So here is a sing parody. Shania Tiawn Man I feel Like a woman added fight scene enjoygasm
1. Chapter 1

Ok the basic to this is Alucard is changed into a woman by Integra because he keep making snide comments about how "delicate" she is. Then Alucard finds a way to truly annoy his master even in his state.

"Oh Lady Alucard!" Called Sir Hellsing. "Miss Alucard I have a mission for you." A black mist glided into the Hellsing master's office.

"Yes, my master? My mission?" A woman stood before Integra dressed in Alucard's trench coat but with a more feminine suit.

"First rules. One no shooting anyone but your target and yes the other _men _will be there. So will Seras if she ever stops giggling." Integra smiled. It had been quite a day. First discovering that little spell Abraham had been saving to really mess with the monster formerly know as Dracula. Then parading Alucard around the mansion. " Next your mission will take place at this warehouse. I will be monitoring from here."

"Yes, my master." Alucard's now higher pitched voice responded. He dissolved into the black mist and reappeared in front of the ware house. As soon as he had a semi solid from grunts of laughter and fake coughs echoed.

"_Alucard, proceed with the mission." _Integra's voice came from the earpiece.

Skip the fight scene (if I get enough reviews say 5 I will add a hilarious fight scene so review!)

"Target silenced, and master?" Alucard spoke into the little mike he had been given.

"_Yes, Alucard."_

"I feel like singing to you, do you mind." He popped into her head and made it to where he was heard weather or not she keep the radio connection open.

"_No Alucard DON"T YOU DARE!"_

"I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright  
Gonna let it all hang out  
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice  
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout..."

"ALUCARD STOP THIS INSTANT!"

"No inhibitions-make no conditions  
Get a little outta line  
I ain't gonna act politically correct  
I only wanna have a good time"

"DON"T YOU MAKE ME MAKE IT PREMANET."

"The best thing about being a woman  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..."

"_Oh dear sweet Jesus help me and stop this bloody git."_

"Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
Man! I feel like a woman!"

In the office Integra is going made listening to Alucard's singing. Then cue a nice little red-blonde headed girl.

"Sir Integra are you okay."

"No, Alucard is singing in my head. Go shoot him the... wait Dammit he doesn't have them any more. Just go blow him up or something."

"Yes Sir." It will take Seras at least 8 more lines of this ridiculous song to get there

"The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take  
The chance to get out on the town  
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance  
We're gonna let our hair hang down

The best thing about being a woman  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..."

Seras is in sight of Alucard who is belting the lines at the top of his lungs. However before Seras gets there a group of oddly dressed teenagers appear.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS FINALS NIGHT." All at once they pile on him. To this day they still can't find a few parts and his hat?

Sorry about the end it was just finals for a friend of mine in a different state so I sent an e-mail to her that sticks your computer to play your lowest played song on media player over and over for 8 hours.Guess her song. Oh and as she found out it only get longer if you try turning it on and off. evil smile She said I should add that part so I did On and if I owned Hellsing there be a threesome of IntegraxAlucardxSeras Hehheheheheh Dirty mind thinks of different things they can do.

Peace the Rancid One


	2. Paladin Alexander Maxwell?

Ok I could not find a good song for this at all, which considering I have a little over 7000 songs so here is my fight scene. Maybe if I feel like it I will do another chappy about exactly why Integra decided to invert Alucard's manhood. insert evil laugh

So little to write and so much time...

Alucard started walking into the building. He was swamped by the maggot's ghouls. "Worthless little punk." Alucard's shadows moved out and the ghouls began turning to dust. Then to Alucard more female nose a scent came he would never had thought about till he was put in situation like this.

It was the scent of man, and not just any male a male happy to smell a female. Alucard for a brief second had some the most disgusting thoughts he had ever had.

"Oh littl' girl haf you come to play?" A sing song voice called. Oh how to use this, he could either play girl and lure the half, excuse quarter, wit to him or he could just blo... uh shot his head off. Maybe both?

Guess which one our sick twisted cruel evil homicidal manic vampire chose. "Oh I'm a little lost. Could you tell me where the Queen's guard office is?"

"Sure mah sweet." The vampire came out of hiding and Alucard nearly died again. He was staring at a slightly less insane Maxwell but something was different. The accent was all the paladin. Then Alucard remembered a joke he once used to try and get a rise out of his master.

"_Sir Integra, what do think would happen if the Paladin and Maxwell had a child?"_

"_Alucard I neither care nor wish to ponder, it's scary enough with out the images."_

"_True but I believe it would have that face of Maxwell because it strong roots and the paladin's accent because we all know he would rise it."_

"_Alucard I forbid you from ever repeating that and go to your room. Thanks to you I will not be getting a peaceful night's sleep again."_

"Oh thank you. I have been out wandering all night and these weird guys have been trying to hurt me." Alucard let his voice fall into the pattern only woman (and magically transsexual vampires) can pull off.

"It ba okah mah grilly." The odd man grinned, "You've got meh to worrie abot now."

"What?" Alucard began wondering if he could get an award for his act.

"I know its you Demon Alucard." The freak had blessed blades like Andersons in his hands.

Alucard stared. He wondered for a brief second if this was a joke then blades appeared in his stomach. Blood welled out of his mouth.

"Vampire you dah ta night." The freak pulled out a double ended stake and ran at Alucard screaming. "When tha ask who killed tha mighty Alucard, they will answer Paladin Alexander Maxwell the 2nd!"

Alucard feel down from his laughing fit. He wasn't sure if he was really dying and this was an illusion or if it was real but it was funny.

As he fell his leg went into the path of the running paladin. Effectively tripping him, as he fell he caught himself with the stake between his heart and the ground in a push up style. Alucard took his cue to stand and place a boot on Maxwell the revenge's back.

"Answer this question and I will let you live. Who are your parents?"

"Why Paladin Anderson and Bishop Maxwell of the Vatican. Why?" Alucard felt it try to push up from the bad position it was in.

"How is that possible. Aren't they both male?" Alucard hadn't realized he had spoken aloud.

"Modern medicine is an odd thing. My mother was once a ..."

Fearing the things answer Alucard pushed on to the stake.

"God. That is just wrong. I wonder what they did with his...?"

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Sorry my friends helped with this one and it just went all over. Transsexual vampires I could do easy but only my friends would do transsexual priests. Dammed for life they are. (goes in back and commits all 7 sins in 5 seconds "A NEW RECORD WOOT WOOT")

Yeah whatever

REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW and I may tell you of the affairs of Enrico Maxwell (Former male) and Paladin Alexander Anderson. This week on Jerry Springer.

Ps I don't any thing even this computer it me dads cry for me for I am poor.


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